More On Cluttering And ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) Or AD/HD
ADD or Attention Deficit Disorder (now more correctly called Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is often a big component of cluttering in kids. ADD or AD/HD (equally correctly written as ADHD), kids need different motivation and coping skills that can be taught.
Rewards Work Better Than Punishment
“Another thing I
have found helpful is the A-B-C mnemonic for making a workable household
rule. A stands for agreement, the initial buy-in to the rule with the
child. It would work something like, ‘I make rules for myself to help me
remember to do things like pay bills. I don't allow myself to go shopping
until I have paid my bills. I thought of a way of making a rule to help
us keep the household more livable.’ After the agreement, then there is a
behavior (such as picking up the room at a specified time), or the opposite
(failing to pick it up). This leads to C, the consequence. Positive
behavior leads to getting ice cream, negative behavior leads to no TV, or
something like that. The positive consequence is a way of getting buy-in
to the rule. The child gets something they otherwise would not get if
they abide by the rule, in exchange for losing something if they break the
rule.” – Dr, Terrence Early,
M.D. from an interview.
By helping your kid earn rewards for doing “right,” (discussed in other chapters) you’re also helping them gain self-esteem. AD/HD kids are get beaten down by the general public and other kids who just don’t understand. Others see the difficulties, not the child. Decluttering is a great, obvious way to establish rewards for your kid. It’s not too intellectual (oh boy, do we know that!) or conceptual like “being a good boy or girl.”
Just as I talked earlier about using a “bank account” reward system for all your children, it works especially with AD/HD kids. Dr. Bradley has specific details of a reward system in his book, Yes, Your Teen IS Crazy.. Some of his suggestions follow. Establish a bank account of points or poker chips or whatever you can think of that will work for your kid. Something tangible would seem to work best, as the reward is immediate and visible. For each decluttering activity carried out successfully, award chips or points.
I’d add the following. It wouldn’t hurt to provide visual clues at the same time, like writing something down in a notebook as she goes through the task. Let her redeem the rewards for something she really wants to do, establishing a higher point value for, say a week at Disney World, than for getting to stay up half an hour later. Somewhere in-between will lie the bulk of the rewards.
One drawback to the bank account idea is that AD/HD kids don’t visualize the future as well as others and deferred gratification isn’t much of a motivator. By having a number of rewards (let her choose what they are) that are easily and quickly attainable, you can keep her motivated. Remind her of the long-term rewards often.
Rewards don’t have much value if they can’t also be taken away. But go easy on this. You’re trying to build your kid up, not tear her down. If she doesn’t do some decluttering chore, take away about half of what she would have gained had she done it. If she does something, but with a bad attitude, only give her half the reward. This can teach her that how we do something is just as important and what we do.
It’s important when trying to change anyone’s behavior to only concentrate on one thing at a time and to give the new behavior time to sink in. Not-cluttering and decluttering the family room might come first. Since you’ve got to be there to keep your kid on track, this would be a good time to do a little decluttering of your own! Maybe he’ll give you a poker chip for clearing off part of the sofa? Come to think of it, why not do something like that? Make a show of presenting yourself with points or chips for decluttering. That way, you’ll get something done and your child will feel like this is a family affair. Now, how many chips you need to get a day at the spa is entirely up to you, but try not to cheat.
Not-cluttering is more conceptual. Tell you child that he’ll get rewarded for not leaving his shoes in the dining room. You’ll have to pay attention, because rewards, to work with AD/HD kids, need to be given very soon after the action (or in this case, the inaction), or they don’t have as much value. Since the shoes aren’t in the living room, he must have put them someplace. If you didn’t notice that action, ask him where his shoes are, then tell him he’s being rewarded for putting them up. That should reassociate the action with the reward.
Does Your Child Have The Fidgets?
Really, that’s what AD/HD was called last century – the fidgets. This could be a classic symptom of AD/HD – hyperactivity. It could also be an expression of other medical or neurological disorders. Or it could be that he’s simply anxious or bored. Teachers report that these kids will rock in their seats, swing their legs, play with pencils, hair or tap their fingers incessantly. Others want to talk incessantly. Again, the more likely culprit is anxiety or boredom.
I was a fidgety kid, but it was a result of being bored to death in grade school and anxious about how dreadful recess was to me. Other kids picked on me because I was a “brain” and rotten at athletics. (You wouldn’t know it now, but I was tested at the genius level). I eventually solved the problem by feigning illness, staying at home and teaching myself to read from a stack of newspapers and a dictionary at a neighbor’s house. These nice old folks were clutterers and had several year’s worth of newspapers. I guess there can be advantages to cluttering. I could follow all the steps above relating to attending by myself. I mention this because, while I had at least one “symptom” of AD/HD, it wasn’t really what was going on.
Hyperactivity
“Your insides are gong 5,000 mile per hour and your feet are glued to the floor.” – Kim A. Cooper M.Ed., describing what it’s like to have AH/HD.
Ah, this is what most often comes to mind when we think of AD/HD kids. I’d like to say that we could channel this extra energy into decluttering. After all, it’s kind of like having the Ajax tornado. Wouldn’t it be nice to put it to work for you? I’d like to, but can’t. If you come up with any ideas on this, I’d love to hear them.
Hyperactivity is activity without focus and takes a lot of effort on your part to help your child to act appropriately. Medication can control most of these behaviors, but don’t forget the behavioral aspects. Rewards for good behavior help a lot. Getting angry with them (though this is tough not to do when you’re frustrated) doesn’t.
Praise your kid for not acting out in the store or at school. Be prepared. Talk to your kid before you go to the store, church or anyone’s house. Let him know that he’s expected to stay close to you and not run around or ask a million questions (well, maybe the last part is too tough for any kids, but give it a shot). Let him know he’ll be disciplined if he does act up and be prepared to do so. Time outs are good and if you can find a relatively unexciting spot in the store (the sock department in a department store and the vegetable bins have always bored me), take him there. At home, a quiet corner with no distractions is good.
One thing a teacher told me is that AD/HD kids may be very well-behaved in school, but when they get home become rambunctious. If this is happening in your house, discuss changing the dosage with your doctor.
Watch The Watch
One way to help kids understand time is to relate it to get them a watch that’s cool and does other things than tell local time. My father gave me a watch that told time in several world time zones and it was a constant source of entertainment for me. Something like that could help keep the attention of an AD?HD child on time because it’s not boring like a regular watch.
Another is to give them warnings about the passage of time. AD/HD kids don’t have as clear-cut a concept of the future as others. Tell you child something like, “OK, Juan, we’re going to get ready for dinner (or clean up this room) in ten minutes.” Since kids of all ages and types have a way of tuning out their parents, it’s a good idea to have him look at you when you’re speaking, and to repeat back to you what you just said. An “Uh-huh,” doesn’t cut it. For AD/HD kids in particular, it’s a good idea to have him turn down the TV or stereo in order to listen to you.
AD/HD Kids Are Drawn To Fun Things
(These are headings with a sentence or two within the chapter from here on -- if you got this far. I don't want to overwhelm you -- Mike). A
Internal Chatter
Kids with AD/HD actually concentrate better when there’s noise around them. It helps them drown out the internal chatter going on in their heads.
Since they may also be auditory learners, when they put something away, encourage them to say what it is and where they’re putting it. This creates a link in their brain so that they can find it again.
Hyperfocusing
This can be a great trait if used in decluttering.
Long-term? What’s That?
“Because of the neurological deficit in the ability to inhibit behavior, people with ADHD not only do not see what lies ahead as well as others, but cannot [EDITOR, ITALICIZED IN THE ORGINIAL TEXT] DO SO AS WELL AS OTHERS. In essence, holding them responsible for their problem with anticipating and planning for the future is like holding the deaf person responsible for not hearing us or the blind person accountable for not seeing us – it is ridiculous and service no constructive social purpose.” – Dr. Bradley, from Yes, Your Teen IS Crazy.
Attention Span
Kids with AD/HD are behind in their development in this area. It’s been estimated that they are often years behind in being able to pay attention to details and boring tasks (like decluttering, for instance). Thus your eleven year-old with AD/HD may be as focused as her seven year-old brother.
AD/HD’s and clutterers so often get sidetracked and don’t
finish their projects. The psychological term for being able to focus is
“attending.”
Avoidance Is Most Likely The Culprit
Procrastinating can overcome the second and third steps to completing a project. We all do this to some degree. Clutterers especially overuse this weapon in their arsenal of reasons not to declutter. For children and adults, decluttering is booorrrrrinnng.
To avoid avoidance, remember the rewards system and making decluttering fun. And there’s always the technique of suggesting some other activity that he’d rather avoid more than decluttering if he doesn’t want to do the decluttering.
Mom, I Just Forgot!
Help them to learn things the way they remember. Writing down the tasks they need to accomplish is a big help. So are posters with assigned chores and decluttering activities. If they are mainly auditory, have them say what they are going to do out loud. Ask them to repeat what you just said. They could carry a tape recorder to play back to remind themselves of what they’re supposed to be doing. If they’re mainly visual learners, keep the places where they put stuff in sight and brightly colored. If they’re tactilely oriented, make sure they feel what they are putting away and maybe pat it when it is done. If they’re intellectual (God help you!), encourage them to make mental relationships to their items by category, or something they’ve studied. The same principles go for schoolwork.
School & Learning
A small thing, but very practical that can help ease the stress of an AD/HD kid at school is a lock with a key. Really.
Instead of their having different notebooks for different subjects, get them one notebook with colored dividers for different subjects.
Backpacks are standard equipment for kids and school. But it’s easy to confuse the different compartments, even if there are only two. Taping the name of what goes into each compartment on the outside will encourage snide comments from the other kids, but you can put them on the inside to help your child remember. On the outside, put differently-colored stickers, or even better, stickers of his favorite cartoon characters. Leave it to him to decide what subject or group of items The Hulk represents.
AD/HD kids are perceived as “slow,” when in fact they are too fast at processing information. According to Kim Cooper M.Ed., quoted above, "They can learn and retain at up to 1,000 to 1,500 words a minute. By speeding up the information flow they're forced to focus. The plus is they enjoy it at those speeds.
Teacher, Teacher
Today, teachers are more aware of AD/HD kids and are supposed to make reasonable accommodations for them. Most teachers will.
Home Schooling
Many parents with AD/HD kids choose this alternative because they can give their kids individual attention and adjust the learning schedule to fit their children’s unique abilities. The suggestions above apply, but you have more latitude, like allowing more freedom of movement and the ability to try teaching methods designed specifically for AD/HD kids. Online groups like http://pinksunrise.com/form1.htm have a lot of different viewpoints in this aspect.
Computers
They’ll do well at adapting to computers because of the stimulation.
Noise
With their natural distractibility, the more things they have vying for their attention in their room, the more distracted they’ll be. When it comes to studying, make sure their study area has absolutely nothing that doesn’t relate to the project at hand.
I Gotta Move!
If your AD/HD child seems to have to get up and go to the
bathroom, get a drink of water or just walk around, let him, within reason.
Encourage him to walk over and put things up or engage is some movement in his
decluttering. It will help keep him going.
I Don’t Want To Drug My Children
Some people resist the getting treatment for their AD/HD
kids because they are afraid of “drugging” them. The common medicines used are:
Ritalin, Dexedrine, and Aderall (amphetamines). Yes, they
are speed. Yes, they should be avoided by normal kids and adults, and yes, they
help kids and adults diagnosed with AD/HD.
“The best evidence on the study is the recent MTA study,
which compared Ritalin, behavior therapy, and the combination in a large cohort
of ADHD kids for 14 months. The upshot was that the best results were
seen in the two groups that used stimulants, and the addition of behavior
therapy did not seem to offer much over stimulants in terms of better symptom
control, quality of life, etc.
There is a lot of misinformation going around about them,
much of which is promoted by the Scientologists. This is not to say
that behavior therapy is not very important, only that stimulants have been
shown to be more effective and are at this point a cornerstone of effective
treatment for the more severely symptomatic patients. There is a broad
public misconception that is based on absolutely no data that stimulants are
somehow bad for kids with ADHD, and the opposite is true. The adults I
see often tell me that recognizing and getting treatment for their ADD turns
their life around.” – Dr. Terrence Early, M.D.
Don’t Forget Yourself!
Raising a child with AD/HD is tough – even tougher than raising a child without it. If you get burned out, you’re not going to do her, or yourself, any good. Arrange to take some time off, either by yourself or with your spouse if you can get someone understanding to take your child for a weekend or even a day. If you can just get away for a few hours and go to the beach (OK, I’ve usually lived by, or within an hour of, a beach most of my life so it’s the first thing I think of), a day spa, a walk in the woods or a museum or even a stroll in the park. Just go somewhere.
Just being able to talk to someone who understands, or even
a good fried who might not understand what you’re going through, but can listen
without interrupting and telling you how you “should” do things, helps a lot.
You are not alone. But you might feel that way. You don’t have to. Join a
support group.
Support groups work absolute wonders. The most well-known is CHADD, Children and Adults [EDITOR, THE and IS NOT CAPITALIZED] With Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder [THEY USE A “-“ BETWEEN ATTENTION AND DEFICIT]. Their web site is www.chadd.org. They have groups nationwide. If there’s not one near you, start one! Starting a group will help you far more than you think. Somebody has to do it. Another link to support groups for ADD and other issues is http://add.miningco.com/library/blsupportmain.htm.
Online groups include Moms of ADHD Kids on Yahoo, http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-psaddchild,
on iVillage. Another is run by Eileen
Bailey, http://add.miningco.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://www.addhelpline.org.
If You Want To Know More
Read all you can and keep up with new research. I happed to like a couple of classics: You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo (Simon & Schuster, New York, 1996) and Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. (Touchstone Books, 1995). For yourself, you might like ADD in the Workplace (by Kathleen G. Nadeau, PhD (Brunner/Mazel, Publishers, 1997).
### END CHAPTER ### -- And that is only about half of it!